Thursday, October 29, 2009

Black women and White men receive 'Thumbs up' for their ability to keep IR marriages beyond average!

We are talking The National Council on Family Relations (NCFR) folks,  doing an intense, well researched study and it can be found at Study

The research aimed at comparing the likelihood of divorce for interracial couples to that of same-race couples, using the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth (Cycle VI).

Now if you believe the 'tattle' out there, black women are the reason why ‘Black love’ is in a bad place. According to wide spread views, black women are too aggressive, too independent and wont ‘let men be men' and all the other host of stuff they get accused of. Well then, you would expect that this report would show that black women (being the problem that we are said to be), would prove this by carrying their 'palaver' wherever they went.

But........the study says that black women just cant help themselves as usual in doing good!

Some highlights:

Compared to White/White couples, White female/Black male, and White female/Asian male marriages were more prone to divorce; meanwhile, those involving non-White females and White males and Hispanics and non-Hispanic persons had similar or lower risks of divorce.

Elevated divorce rates among interracial couples may occur because members of these couples are more likely to have characteristics other than race associated with a greater likelihood of marital dissolution. (Cough cough)

Whites, specifically White females, who intermarry tend to be less educated than those who marry other Whites (Qian, 1997).

I see that these NCFR folks are not of the 'let's lump all IR couples in one batch and hide the real picture' school of thought!

You would also think that given how black men constantly complain about black women, that when they go on to pair with other races of women, everything would be fantastic. Well not so according to this study,  it appears other women are reporting ‘distress’ when in relationship with black men…………hmmm

When compared to their same-race counterparts, intermarried White females and Hispanics individuals reported higher rates of distress, but the same did not emerge for intermarried African Americans or White males (Bratter & Eschbach, 2006).

(Yes even though intermarried ww could be intermarried with not just bm, we do know who does the significant part of IRing with ww)


According to the adjusted models predicting divorce as of their 10th year of marriage, interracial marriages that are most vulnerable involve White females and non-White males (with the exception of White females/Hispanic White males) relative to White/White couples. (hmmm I see they have exonerated hispanic males)

You know, I do so believe that even if you give black men 'little green women' from Mars, they'd still find a way to mess it up royaly.

But ……..

Conversely, White men/ non-White women couples show either very little or no differences in divorce rates; or, as in the case of White men and Black women, are substantially less likely than White/White couples to divorce by their 10th year.

So it appears that even white men stand an even better chance of having a long-lasting marriage with a black woman than white!

Damn we are good!

And the clincher

Racial differences in marriage, on the other hand, correspond to higher divorce rates but mostly in marriages where the White spouse is female. NH Black husband/White wife marriages were twice as likely to divorce as White/White couples, and NH Asian husband/ White wife couples were 59% more likely, according to Model II. Highlighting the role of gender in interracial dynamics, the reverse combinations actually showed a lower or similar risk of divorce. White husband/NH Black wife couples were 44% less likely to divorce than White/White couples, and White husband/NH Asian wife couples were only 4% more likely to divorce by Year 10.

As for black love

Finally, we compared NH Black/ White unions to NH Black/NH Black marriages, which showed a persistently higher risk of divorce than White/White unions. We found again that crossing the racial divide for marriages between NH Black men and White women coincided with even greater marital instability than NH Black homogamous marriages experience. Generally, non-Whites who intermarry experienced less marital stability than their same-race married coethnics.

And there are all these women running around saying , white men cannot be adequate ‘partners’ for a black woman and touting that only black love can be able to meet their unique needs. hmmmmmm

Overall, way to go black women!

Background research for this blog entry by Felicia (thanks!)

Get clued up about interracial dating, read the IR Dating E-book

And send your questions to
(I will try my best to give a reply/answer)

Monday, October 19, 2009

Black Women as Drones and Self-Saboteurs

There has been a massive campaign to extinguish self –concern in black women/girls in the last three decades, and the campaign has been largely successfully. I see it everyday, mindless, selfless drones of black women all worked up over and rushing around the cares of everyone else, with very little awareness that they have loads and loads of critical concerns that need to be addressed urgently. It’s really very shocking to me when I have to point out to black women, obvious issues that black women should attend to yet are busy turning over rocks to find issues that they can get stuck in to on behalf of others. It feels like pointing out the huge big soot stain across the forehead of a person who has just gazed at a mirror. I remeber a year ago writing to a well known journalist who wrote a lengthy article about supporting black men who are caught in the correction system. Since she decided to write about the correction system as a single gender issue, I wrote her back and asked her if she was aware that black women in the UK are proportionally more likely to be incacerated than any other race or gender (a sizable number as a result of being drug mules). She wrote back waffling about how she does care about black women as well. Oh really, yet even when black women are more likely than black men to be in prison, you still write about the situation as if it is something only black men face. I wouldnt even be suprised if women like her dont even know of this situation with black women/girls, given how occluded the whole picture around black women is. It is really a regime of 'obscure black women's issue so we can serve black men's issues exclusively' isnt it.

Whoever wrote this ‘self concern’ obliterating program that has effectively turned the masses of black women into robots working for others, needs to patent the program and sell it for some good money because it sho nuff is most effective!

And what’s more, among young girls I see this kind of ‘resignation’ to their lot, in fact I actually see black girls upholding their lot of being ignored, unsupported, called names like ugly and black as the way it is/should be.

Am I surprised? Not exactly, given that none of their big sisters gave any indication that the situation was to be resisted, wasnt the way things should be or normal, in fact, by their actions, they gave clear instructions that it was all something we should just go along with, tolerate and not try to protect/shield ourselves from in anyway or indeed move away from, but be trusting and hopeful while experiencing the worst kinds of humiliation and self esteem attacks known to humanity.

This weekend I was walking pass a group of black teenagers in a area densely populated by black people and there was this black lad tightly gripping a white girl from behind while rubbing up against her and two black girls were there making conversation with this girl. I actually heard one of them ask, ‘So you say you live round the block from …..’! Yep, these black girls saw nothing wrong with the situation, and where standing there making small talk as the black lad was all over their white ‘friend’. The picture said it all to me, that these girls had absolutely internalized and normalized their ‘inferiorization’ to the point that they are happy to be in vicinity of black boys behaving foolishly over white/light skin. These black girls still have the mind to fraternize with the perpetrators and the same girls exalted above them.

Am I saying that these black girls should crave lewd acts from black boys? Not at all.

And guess what, we their older sister let this situation happen where our young girls are no longer disgusted with expressions of colorism which get carried out and repeated constantly in their midst, at school, at play, at church (yes I have seen this go on in church under the watchful eyes of supervisors who see these patterns of behaviour and think nothing about it and what it means for black girls). These girls watch and look on at the various expressions of their marginalization and rejection as women.

You can imagine the range of accommodating mantra and philosophies these girls and women have stocked up to enable them put up with the situation, you don’t even want to go there to try to get them back to a reasonable frame of mind and one of self-concern. One black girl said to me that, ‘Black boys are allowed to date wherever they want’. ‘I said to her, ‘And where does that leave you, do you recognize that there is an impact on you and you need to take steps to ensure that their freedom to date does not cost you greatly?’

The worse thing is that there are black women who take it upon themselves to facilitate and defend black men’s choice to date whoever, which is essentially black men’s right to discriminate against them. Black girls call fellow white girls racists for not dating any black boy who demands they do (agreeing with a black mans self serving assessment), instead of saying to themselves. ‘What dog do i have in this fight anyway?' I mean, have you ever come across anything so delusional? I know thousands of black women who go out to bat for footballers when they are on the recieving end of racism yet these men wouldnt even spit on them if they were on fire. At what point will black women stop all these campaigns they get into to 'bring back the love of bm'.

But there are other reasosn why black girls are running into fights that are not theirs and that essentially strengthen the discrimination against themselves (shooting themselves in the foot as always)? Very simply, a desperation to show themselves supportive of black men and also sometimes a need to prove they are not like the rest of jealous black women, or that they are not a 'hater' as was elloquently stated by one of the commentors (more about not wanting to be identified among the hater bunch further down).

Everywhere I go black girls are going about in groups (4-5 girl groups). They seem to be the only less integrated group I see around constantly only with themselves or a few white girls. I think this is a reflection of the wider rejection they feel, so they band together however, black girls who are and have essentially been left to fend for themselves tend to adopt a very scolding and caustic attitude towards the world. I watched a black girl who could have been no more than 14 talking the other day, and you could have thought this was some old woman who had seen and gone through life. She was not only pontificating very loudly and unfeelingly, which seemed to me to be about her mirroring the attitude that might have been adopted towards her by others who are impatient with black girls vulnerability. Also she was talking about hair of all things, and announcing to all and sundry on the bus, that a girl (who she said was trying to run away from being black and ugly) has to deal with it, because she cant run away from her fate! Like I said, she was pontificating and a lot from her statements suggested she was internalizing not challenging the idea of black = ugly and in addition, her uncaring tone suggested a strong element of masochism for black women here represented by the girl who shouldnt/couldn’t run away from being black and ugly! I felt very sad for this generation of black girls.

One of the key reasons why bw are never good allies of each other is that they are so busy trying to prove that they are not with the rest of black women particularly around the issue of being jealous/envious of white women. This singular fear of being lumped into the category of those who are jealous ('haters'), have nappy hair issues, {insert newest accusation against black women} means that constantly black women undercut their own cause and agenda because it becomes more important to not be seen as jealous or having low esteem etc (and you display this by agreeing against your interests or against you understanding of a situation)

An example is, I watched a friend go gaga over her cousin marrying a Filipino woman. Now this young man was the first in his family to become a ‘professional’ in his field and you know as these things just happen, he ends up marrying a Filipina (sarcasm off), anyway I wasn’t expecting my friend to go all warm and mushy over the fact or even reveal it in the first place, but she made it seem like such a ‘progressive’ thing that he had done. Hmmm, you want me to believe that a black woman in the west has not deciphered that this situation is definitely not about black men being progressive in their choices.

This running away from other black women to not share their labels, is indeed an indication of the circumstance of black women, and that their collective situation has become so bad that each one is trying to put a distance between herself and the general ‘lot’ of black women, particularly the jealousy bit. Many black women are so bent on proving they are unfazed by the obvious white female preference (in real life not on the net) that they will deny a very clear case and evidence of such, and broadside other ‘sisters’ in a discussion about the phenomenon just to prove how ok with it all they are.

Yes in a bid to prove, ‘I am not like those other black women who have an issue with black men marrying others’ (particularly when they acquire some economic status), my freind went all gushy and kept repeating the fact that he had married a Filipina! Truth is that she didn’t even need to mention that bit of information apart from the fact that she was ‘performing’ and trying to distinguish herself from the close minded black women out there. Here she was agreeing with liberal definitions of progressive activities when we all know that interracial dating among these groups of men is anything but about applying the principles of progressiveness.

I hear Oprah has done something similar re the recent Good Hair Bad Hair mock-umentary (thanks faith), by Chris Rock. I might be wrong here and have got the wrong end of the stick (and am willing to retract the following) but it was reported that she tried to separate herself out from the weave wearing/non follicle growing members of black womanhood, by asking that her someone feel her hair to prove it to be the real deal.

I am not surprised one bit, about the separation antics being displayed among black women. As long as black women’s situation remains pitiful and something to mock and laugh at, black women will continue to scramble to get away from the rest of the black female collective even if they have to 'grenade' the rest to get away!

Get clued up about interracial dating, read the Interracial Dating E-book

Send your questions to (I will try my best to give a reply/answer)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The Image of Black Women Part I

One of the very entrenched images that will not be given up without a fight is the image of the brash, loud black woman, unfeminine, unattractive.

The whole of western civilisation needs that image to continue for their collective sanity. I see it everyday. If anyone where to shift the portrayal (not sporadic representations of pretty black woman), to the point that the image of brash, unattractive black woman become severely eroded the prescription for Prosac and other calming medication would go up. This image is required to maintain the present way society is set up and run.

Indeed, one of the key reasons for the persistence of this image is the benefits it generates for all other parties, as we have discussed ad nauseum, however the key thing here is that the image ensures that black women are shut out of social and power alliances. You see, in a world where women depend on building alliances to survive and thrive, the very ability to create alliances is being attacked and taken from black women to mire them in disadvantage and to ensure that they never move into a better social situation and hence ‘reserve’ the good of the land for others.

I hear folks say that women should make their own money etc. BULL! We do not yet live in a society were women don’t need alliances and to be linked and connected to make it.

We still need social contact and to be linked in firmly to secure jobs, contracts, relationships, good education etc etc. A deliberate con man's (and women) argument is being sold to black women that they are an island that can live comfortably alone.

A slight detour here, but have you, like I, noticed that black women are often asked to run out in front of everyone else in living by standards and conventions that are light years ahead and thus impratical in societies current configuration. Yes even though these life concepts that black women are being told to run with might be progressive, society is not yet in such a place where living by such standards is practical and does not result in a sever penalties to all those who would dare live so out of tune with the rest of society. Indeed the move to make black women totally self sufficient and able to ‘go it alone’ can be seen by some as the ultimate feminist dream (for white women that is), but we can all observe what damage this has done to the image of black women deemed now a 'mules', 'beasts of burden,' 'masculine', needing no help or respite…who but a sadist would want that kind of life for black women.

In lots of ways black women are being urged to be pathfinders and battering rams to scale walls and beat down iron doors and when they have taken the brunt of it all, others come in after the battles have been hard won, to pick and choose the spoils they want.

Now back to the issue of black women and our image, ask yourself, who would want to build relationships(alliances) with the stereotypical black women, indeed who would want to give a job to the neck rolling, shrill black woman that occupies popular imagination? Not many for sure. It is important to see then why this image of black women is in heavy rotation and heavily guarded so that it does not move off and away from popular imagination. Remember that it is the very ability to create alliances that is being attacked and taken from black women here, so that societies assets and material resources continue to circulate only in specific circles.

Indeed the stereotypical image of black women has such a powerful hold over the general perception as folks can’t even believe, and I have a key example for you to underscore this point.

Now some of you have said that in online dating, you have often been ‘contacted’ by men who have stated in their online profile, that they do not want black women i.e. they want a selection of anything but black replying to their profiles or they want to be matched only to non-black women. So here you are preparing to respond to this nice white or other guy who has ‘winked’ at you and just before you fire off a nice flirty email, you decide to check his profile once more (you casually glanced at it first and it said he was a writer!), anyway you are in for a shock because he has clearly checked for everything but black! So how come he is emailing you, does he not see from your profile that you are black? What kind of disconnected thinking is that?

Many of you have wondered about this totally confusing situation. I mean why would a man who says or who indicates that he doesn’t want a black woman suddenly IM or respond to one. What many of us fail to understand is that the general idea of ‘black woman’ conjures up negative associations in many of these men’s minds, so when these men are filling out the generalised form and come across white, black, asian etc, as soon as black comes up, it taps into the negative associations and images particular those which saturate society.

But guess what, as soon as that classification assumed a personality e.g. Tyra, Oprah, Halle, Gabriella etc or you in your cute photo, suddenly he is no longer thinking stereotypes. Trust me on this one, but if these dating sites changed the system of demographic identification and made it more personalized e.g. instead of asian, white, black, they have asian =Lucy Lui or black = Oprah, you would note the difference before too long. The negative ideas of black women are triggered in all sorts of areas and ways, denying black women opportunity and their humanity. Yes I know we like to believe that people can think for themselves and all that, but the reality is that the average person (the population from whom most of your social interractions will come) has tastes and choices that are easily controlled and dictated. Humanity unfortunately is sheep that can be lead and manipulated and suggested to, and this is what those who control resources play on.

The image of black women is being controlled to sustain an impression that prevents her from moving to a more propitious place socially. This is a feminist issue for black women, not for white women for sure, because anything that would redistribute the resouces accruing to white woman will be avoided and down played and even made a figment of our active imagination.

Those that determine social images will, even in deep sleep, tightly hold the image and idea of black womanhood captive to the most negative stereotypes available!

What to do?
I have always said that I am not even worried about what folk plan for black women, IF ONLY BLACK WOMEN COULD BECOME SELF AWARE!

Black women walking about clueless about what they face and showing even less willingness to figure things out is the key problem. Indeed even if folks are training a nuclear weapon against black women, as long as we know they are, we can strategize against their worst plans.

But instead what do you get? Black women intent on remaining ignorant and preferring to run after dead dreams, work for crumbs or work to buy the affection of the very folk that would use them and in the end be happy to see them destroyed.

Under such a situation, very little can be done on a broader scale to wrest the image of black women from the negativity unless black women become serious and invested in the idea of organizing themselves. Each of us is left with the option of working on an individual basis to create the best impression of ourselves and the image we have in the minds of others.

Get clued up about interracial dating, read the Interracial Dating E-book

Send your questions to (I will try my best to give a reply/answer)

Friday, October 09, 2009

Black women actually 'sign up' to the twisted thinking they have which is Sara Taylors blog, is one of my favourite haunts!

Anyway on a recent post, an 'anonymous' commentor claiming to be a black woman, accused Sara of destroying black men and women. 'She' went on to talk about how black men are being left alone to fend for themselves by disloyal black women running off with white men!

Now even though I do doubt that this commentor was a black woman, I must say that I have and do come across black women giving an account that reverses the situation as it stands and those who do position black women as the aggressor or the abandoner of black men/black relationships.

In the face of the clear evidence that it is black men who have abandoned black relationships and refused to uphold the tenets of black love, you have black women making youtube videos saying black women have dropped the ball and etc etc. Now do you think these women are really seeing a situation that is totally different from what we all can easily observe? Do you think that these women do not see the reality confirmed by statistics (for many years now) that black men have been out dating and out marrying twice the rate of black women for it to be that it is black women are abandoning black men and not vice versa?

My response to this is No. These women have 'signed up' to both believe and distort the picture and reverse the actors to serve the agenda they have.

I want to reiterate that black women actually 'sign up' to believe and promote the twisted logic that is evident with a whole lot of what these types of black women spout and believe. It is very deliberate. So if you are a black woman who believes these ideas then know that somehow and somewhere, you 'checked' a box, that you would believe faslehoods and direct opposites of reality to support the 'false' ideologies of black unity. It is deliberate on your part, dont get it wrong, you decide to believe falsehoods and outright lies about what pertains.

Black women who have PERVICE (persitent views inspite of contrary evidence), do it deliberately but they are also psychologically prepared to recieve these views.

I remember when I used to attend 'strong black women rallies' (out of curiosity), how a mood would be created under which black women would believe anything even when they knew the truth was directly opposite to what they were being told.

Under the spell woven at these rallies and meetings, out and out nonsense and things easily observed as false suddenly started to sound 'sensible' and maybe 'have something to them'. I actually think it is the 'maybe we are not seeing the full picture' spell, that is used effectively to capture black women. Many black women are told that there is another story to what they can visibly observe, and once black women believe that there maybe more than meets the eye, they become duely primed to slot in some 'nonsense' as the missing piece of the story. Now the created mood in these 'conventions' makes statements like 'our brothers need our help and support', become logical and sensible even when it is clearly observable that at this point it is black women that need support. I remember that one of the things that was never done was to challenge patently false accounts, as this would essentially 'break the spell'. I remember once doing this by challenging a particular statement. The women in the room got very angry. To this day, I believe the anger was because I broke the mood necssary for recieving and believing the fantasies they were being told about black men.

I also used to get the one where one of the 'leaders' would try to get me to bend to their will and blind-believe along with everyone else. They try to get a black woman like me who was unwilling to submit/collude with the self deception to bow. One of them said to me, 'You know that when black women get it together, black men will come home'. Now that statement was loaded with all sorts of psychological arm twists and was my 'cue' to give up the rebelion and just like a good black woman, go along with the self deception.

As a black woman you decide to be taken in by such fables, and give your mind over to the deceptions and falsehood! Therefore a black woman has to decide for herself that beliving the truth as evident in what she can observe is more important than agreeing to believe a lie in a bid to serve an agenda!

Get clued up about interracial dating, read Interracial Dating Book

Send your questions to (I will try my best to give a reply/answer)