Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Thoughts for International Women’s Day (IWD)

Malia at 11


 
Try and build a relationship with other black women based on admiration (mutual), approval and acceptance (not the fake kind I love my hair and nose type protestations).

One of the reasons why I feel that black community is now defunct is because you cannot build a healthy and sustainable relationship between people on the basis of ‘Well I guess we are in this S*&t hole together so lets make the best of it’. There is no way you can have that sentiment as the overarching one for your relationship with each other and not begin to have, disrespect and negative attitudes creep in!


Sasha will be 11 in June 2012

I realized the other day that I actually admire black women (a certain crop of them not so much but…). It is not simply about admiring them for climbing mountains etc (strong bw), but I admire an essence of black women that I come across sometimes in certain African women and older school western black women. They seem to have a secret to all this that I am yet to happen upon myself (like if they know something I don’t) and they cast a wise old eye and a wry smile over it all, in a way that makes me feel that they got it all sussed out!

I have the greatest admiration for one of my oldest sisters, my mum-very formidable (but yet undeniable woman)-and wonder how she gave birth to a ‘coward of the first water’ like me lol! There is indeed something about certain black women, something that suggests that they know what womanhood is about, they have cracked the code. These women are sure of their womanhood and the ‘acceptableness’ of this womanhood and what they have to offer.


Contribute to this very important blog discussion on black feminity!


Contrast it today with how so many of us black women have a hard time believing we are bringing something valid and acceptable to the table of humanity, how we feel that folk will run away screaming if we are to ever show ourselves without the masks and trappings (and no I don’t mean letting it all hang out or keeping it real!). I think this ‘not knowing if we are acceptable or an error in creation’ fuels a lot of this, ‘is he showing interest’, type confusions many bw have understanding men’s basic attraction to them (read: white men's basic attraction to them). Yes western black womanhood has been grievously attacked and this is one sign of it. Indeed lets face it, the continuation of humanity rests on men and women having the ability to read and pick up signs of attraction in seconds often. Many African women straight of the plane, know when even a man from Nagaland is showing attraction. The less attacked a woman’s female identity is, the more likely she is to pick up on men responding to what she is!

So as an aside, I think there is something to be said for functional womanhood as practiced by many African cultures, that essentially thinks, if you have the basic functions and makeup of a woman, then your womanhood is acceptable, whatever your bodily presentation, full stop. I can see so many modern folk look down on such lowest level determination of womanhood which excludes so many other expressions of what a woman is, however what they dont understand is that this defintion presents the most widely embracing context, within which a wider variety of woman found security and belonging rather than felt excluded because of having a square jaw, gap teeth, short hair and short/long necks, things they had no control over.

Anyway back to the issue of a shared basis for identifying with each other, I came across that ‘I got news for you, we are all seen as black’ statement the other day and it made me think, ‘Wow there is absolutely no ‘hopefulness’ or positivity in that statement.’ There is nothing enjoyable and happy about being black when in this context.

Something else I noticed the other day to, when I sat near three young ladies on a public bus. One of the girls had spilt a drink down her dress and was asking for a tissue. The other girl, girlishly giggling held the tissue out of reach. It seemed all playful but I sensed something sinister like the others were letting the humiliation or discomfort go on that bit longer, while of course pretending to be playing about.

These days, there is so much damage among black people/women and thus so many underhanded and disguised games of black folk using others to, feel good about or amuse themselves, play their internal besting other black games, putting down others and downright nastiness happening within black circles.

This is one of the reasons why I tell black women to dissociate from non evolving, non progressing, disempowered bw. Many are in hell and desperate to see signs that you are in hell alongside them. If they refuse to disconnect from pain, they almost naturally refuse you (sometimes without even being aware) disconnecting to, thus get peturbed with you being happy or they become upset with you not showing signs of distress as well ( you having a smily face, getting on with life). The very fact that you dont look depressed and defeated and beaten and looking downwards, but have upbeat energy is increasinlgy niggling at them, until one day they will erupt. And guess the worst thing? They wont even know why they suddenly feel like sabotaging you or hurting you! They dont even know why they start acting out!

Anyway to leave this on a positive note this IWD, discover why you should admire black women and see if you can possibly ‘hinge’ your desire to associate with and be around them or join up with them in ‘doing something for our general good upon this basis.


So what do you enjoy about being a black woman or what are things you admire about other black women?



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11 comments:

BeMae said...

There is something to be said for reinforcing the need for black women to enjoy being women as well as being black.

The groupie mentality that reigns in the blk comm. reeks of validation upon sacrifice (image, body, needs, passions, etc).

My own constitution rejects this way of thinking. One thing black women should've learned by now is that your race doesn't come with a guarantee of protection or affection from your community, just a constant reminder that you come last and should embrace that fact.

With that being said I search for kindred spirits and extremely blessed to have found them in my sister, my mother, my aunt, and a friend. There is a genuine love, respect, and support shared between us all and even as I type I find myself tearing up. LOL

But as I embrace the virtues of womanhood in full I will be met with opposition from black men who want to exploit it for their selfish campaigns and black women who subscribe to "Seppuku" to demonstrate their worth to these men and each other.

This was an excellent read (and my first on this blog) and I look forward to browsing your archives for inspiration.

TY;)

Natalie said...

Hello Halima
I love your website....You are very intune with observing and assessing the behaviors of how other BW mistreat each other. I've been in situations in my life where I felt when I expressed myself to bw who I considered as "Friends" some of my hopes, dreams, amd aspirations I would get a rebuttal of discouragement...I'm NOW careful in what I discuss w/certain BW and peole who don't want the best for me. Please keep doing what your doing Halima in spreading the word on how decent bw can save themselves (*Smiling from ear to ear*) -Natalie

Anonymous said...

I love the way we light up a room by simply entering it.

Posture ladies, POSTURE! Black women have an intangible warmth and sweetness when feeling safe enough in environments to let it shine. If that's not feminine, I don't know what is.

Monique said...

I love being a Black woman. I would not want to be anything else. I have a profound respect and appreciation for the sacrifices that my foremothers made, both in my own individual line and collectively. I respect and love our unique beauty, our practicality, our fierceness, our warmth and our strength.

Black Women ROCK!!!

There are still many self-enhancing and life-enhancing things that BW must do for ourselves and, to an extent, each other; and I believe that slowly, but surley we (by "we" I mean those BW who have awoken from the Matirx and truly SEE the world and their plight in it for what it really is and is willing to put in the work to change it) are doing and getting better. It takes awhile to turn a huge ship in another direction.

@BeMae "One thing black women should've learned by now is that your race doesn't come with a guarantee of protection or affection from your community..."

very well said and I totlly co-sign 100%

Faith said...

So what do you enjoy about being a black woman or what are things you admire about other black women?

A. Having listened to the wonderful podcast between Drs. Reese-Lett and Angelou affirms what it's like for two formidable black women to have a long-spanning, mutual respectful and abiding friendship.

I like knowing civilization begins and ends with us and how talented and resourceful we are.

I wish more BW knew this and acted on it so there wouldn't be this constant state of conflict, backbiting and betrayal. We don't need to undermine each other and could be our most staunch allies like Della Resse and Maya Angelou are to each other.

squarlymade said...

I love the essence of black women as well. You can really get a glimpse of it in black girls. I really enjoy mentoring my daughter we were fixing dinner together tonight making ‘garden ranch chicken pitas’- making my pitas from scratch because I like them chewy and warm. We were rolling out pitas and talking…and I just thought-this beautiful spirit absolutely deserves to be preserved-protected-taught. I’ve been feeling that way about black women in general lately-to the point were I can’t/wont keep quiet when I see any public persona dangling a dilution ( keeping with the hypnotizing) to the public re bw. I-quick point it out! I will not EVER promote some bm on TV who demoralized any bw. Look at Robin Givens and what that woman went through publicly after that DBRbm(to the tenth power). I’ve followed this woman…read and watched interviews from her. She is NOT a woman who’s Karma attracted this to her. She was conned. She was disillusioned with someone else’s programming (like many bw) and rejected her own inters cope and received what the programming/conning was designed for her to receive. That’s why it’s important to be reprogrammed toward truth-because you’ll take on the reward of whatever program you’re under- whether you deserve (are receiving karma) or not. If you are a black woman publicly supporting/promoting bm who shred bw-as far as I’m concerned you get NO support from me, and you NEED to be jolted OUT of that state you’re in-Seriously! As far as I am concerned you are a target to take down (in terms of your public persona) unlike even bm who just need to be ignored (moved away from forgotten-done!), bw who usher other bw and young black girls into ‘the cave of depravation’ are a serious danger! Hmmm… this is getting too long. I haven’t even said how they go about ushering bw and black girls into the ‘cave of depravation’. Promoting bm, hiding truths…yeah…I maybe a lady but I will ‘hen peck’ you to death with my words. You look at mommas in any nature and you will observe- you mess with their young (they might not have brute strength) but they will find some witty way to take-you-out. Anyway ladies. Love yourself and the bw around you who are able to receive it.

Anonymous said...

ANON 6;33 AM--being feminine is having a 'meek and quiet' spirit,LADYHOOD and it is great when we are in an enviornment when we could let it 'shine'

BeMae said...

http://ed-share.educ.msu.edu/scan/ead/mabokela/document10.pdf

Page 4 of the PDF

"...."Race Uplift" was the expected objective of all educated blacks. However, after the Civil War, the implementation of this philosophy was placed primarily on the shoulders of Black Women..."

It's an excellent essay!

Christelyn said...

Halima, this is an interesting question, one that I had to pause and think a little about. What do I like about me, a black woman? How much of "me" is attributed to my "blackness" or just my "human-ness?" I would have to say that they are interrelated. I have to say that time and life has allowed me to love myself, because it has not always been present. I had to discover I was smart. I had to discover that I wasn't half-bad looking. Why? Because I had to dismiss the junk people who wished me to stay miserable with them and discover myself. In this sense, I have EARNED a love for myself. Does that make sense?

tertiaryanna said...

So what do you enjoy about being a black woman or what are things you admire about other black women?

I think Black women are physically very beautiful, so there's that, just to start.

The cultural contributions that BW have made, the positive influences on community and family structure, the integrity that can come from a culture actually having an experience, rather than just abstract comments about it.

ak said...

Halima:

This is one of the reasons why I tell black women to dissociate from non evolving, non progressing, disempowered bw. Many are in hell and desperate to see signs that you are in hell alongside them. If they refuse to disconnect from pain, they almost naturally refuse you (sometimes without even being aware) disconnecting to, thus get peturbed with you being happy or they become upset with you not showing signs of distress as well ( you having a smily face, getting on with life). The very fact that you dont look depressed and defeated and beaten and looking downwards, but have upbeat energy is increasinlgy niggling at them, until one day they will erupt. And guess the worst thing? They wont even know why they suddenly feel like sabotaging you or hurting you! They dont even know why they start acting out!



Ugh....Halima, deep down inside I think I want to write reams upon reams about what you've said, and sadly maybe it's because I can indeed write a little about this based on first hand knowledge....